positive musings

Over the years I have learned that there are many things in my life I need to let go of, I definitely think this realisation has come with age. Mentally I feel so much older in the sense that I’ve grown as a person in more ways than I could’ve ever imagined, and I continue to do so every day. I feel like I’m my own person now, not influenced by others and this is definitely the most open minded I’ve ever been, I’m open to all creations and ideas – including people. I love the idea of people and I love the fact that being whatever the hell you want to be is quickly becoming more of an accepted thing throughout the world.  For some reason, the age 16 always sticks in my mind. Whenever I talk about the past, the only thing I remember is being that old. I think it’s because I feel as though physically I was my best self at that age and a lot of things happened in my life during that time, but if someone I went to school with saw me now, I don’t think they’d even recognise the person they saw standing in front of them. I’m happy, open minded, free. I’m 18, I have a full time job and some beautiful little tattoos that I intend to get more of, I’m confident, I dress differently, I act differently and I see things differently. I am different because my mind has grown and therefore so has the rest of me. I’m sitting here writing this and I have nothing holding me back, I never went to college so I have no exams, I’m not waiting on a piece of paper to determine my future because I’ve chosen to take those matters into my own hands and decide that for myself. My driving test is in a couple of months, I enjoy my job and the people I have in my life. I love reading and writing, I love reading books about imaginary worlds and I love reading about real life struggles that hit me hard and make me cry for three days straight. I love writing about the world, the universe and the people in it, I love pressing flowers and taking Polaroid pictures, I love old vinyl records and wearing my grandmother’s jewellery, I love watching the sun go down each night and admiring the beautiful masterpieces scattered across the sky, I love the colour pink and I believe that every day is the chance to be brand new. I love learning, I sit in the car with my dad listening to the radio, learning what is currently going on in the world, I want to eat differently – I want to become a plant based babe and look after my body. I want to eat 3 meals a day and get enough sleep at night, I want to be happy. It’s all about mindset and right now I am the most positive I have ever been. If you surround yourself with good people you will always be where the light is, it doesn’t matter if you’re around one person or one hundred, as long as you’re creating positivity, that’s all that matters. I am very lucky to live the life I live and I often take that for granted by comparing myself to others and the lives that they claim to live – I say claim because people only show the good parts of themselves when in reality, we are all the same on the inside – everyone has feelings and emotions, we all get sad, angry and hurt. Even the most beautiful people experience rejection, not feeling good enough and getting  their hearts broken – I have to remind myself of this as I look at their lives and think wow, ‘I wish I was them’. I don’t. I wish I was me. There’s only ever going to be one of me, this is the only body I will ever have and my face is my identity, I don’t want to ever change that and spend time hating it, I want to embrace it. I’ve never really been too keen on my nose but the other day I saw a girl who had a similar one to me saying how much she loved it because it added sharpness to her face, now I look at my nose and feel the exact same way. I’ve stopped looking at myself and hating certain features as these were given to me from my parents and when I look in the mirror, that’s who I see – I’m proud to be a representation of them and I would never want to change that. I am growing every day and learning all the time, I am open, I am free and I am happy. I wouldn’t ever want to be anybody but myself. I have let go of the things and people who do not need me, I threw out most of my closet and completely rearranged my room, I moved on from people who were no good for me and I let go of ‘sentimental’ things that weren’t really sentimental at all, I just couldn’t let go of wanting to live in the past. But now I have, and it’s the most freeing feeling. I am a blank canvas and right now, so is my life. I’m 18, everything is only just beginning and I can’t wait to see what the universe has in store for me, I strongly believe in fate and that everything happens for a reason, I aim to learn things from every situation and have realised that people are either a blessing or a lesson, either way they have left me with more knowledge than I had before and for that I am grateful and no matter what happens, I forgive them. I am so full of light, I have no time to be concentrating on darkness and filling myself with sadness over things that I cannot control, I cannot control another person’s feelings and never will, so I should stop worrying about things that are out of my hands. What I can control however, is myself. I can control my mind and the positivity that I spread to other people and this is the kind of person I want to be. Let go of the people who don’t love you and give time to the ones who do, nobody knows exactly what they’re doing, we’re all here in the same place going on with our lives and trying to figure out what it is exactly we were put here for. It’s okay. Everything is okay and I’m so glad I’ve been surrounded with so much positivity that I can see this now, I’m happy with the choices I have made and hopefully will continue to make in the future. I am blessed with the life I live and the wonderful people in it; I am open minded and embrace everything. I am made up of the whole world and I’m so glad that out of everyone I could have been, I got to be me.

“I have my mother’s mouth and my father’s eyes, on my face they’re still together.”

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