So originally I wasn’t going to turn this into a post (I didn’t think I’d have enough to write about) but a lot of you have asked me to write about getting my fourth tattoo and so of course, why not! I will at some point also do a tattoo tag but I’m holding off from that at the minute since I have a lot more still on the list that I’d like to include, but I will get round to it at some point I promise, bare with!
My fourth tattoo is a small one – nothing extravagant. It’s the words “just ride” in my best friend’s handwriting underneath the bend / crease in my arm (what’s that part even called????) and it’s from the song Ride by Lana Del Rey. As you may already know since I’ve mentioned it before, my best friend passed away when we were 15, she was my soul mate. We’d been best friends for 11 years and Lana is someone so, so significant and important to the both of us and she (Lana) channels my best friend like no other, her music literally saved me, I don’t know how I would have made it through without it and without her, it may sound strange but she was my only savior in the sense that she was the one person that made me feel okay again, because nothing else did.
Ride is my favourite song in the world; if you’ve listened to it you’ll understand why. It was mine and my best friend’s song and the lyrics just resonate with me like nothing else. The official video is around 10 minutes long because there’s a prologue and epilogue also featured in it, I won’t paste it all here since it’s quite long and you guys might not want to read it but if you do, just type it into Google and you’ll find it (if you read it let me know what you think!). Basically, the song and the spoken word are about the idea of freedom, home, being lost and being found etc. – the vibe of the whole kind of person I am and whenever I hear Lana talking I just close my eyes and listen…I travel to another place that’s far away from here. I’ve written the prologue and epilogue out so many times I could probably recite it backwards, but I just adore it so much. I adore her.
Instead of trying to explain what exactly this tattoo means to me, I’ll show you what I wrote to my best friend instead.
The whole idea of this line in the song is “When I’m at war with myself, I ride. I just ride”. It reminds me that throughout all of the shit I’ve been through so far, and for all the shit I’ll probably go through in the future, to just ride. When I’m at war with myself…just ride. All I need to do is look down at my arm and remember she’s there with me and I can do it, I can do whatever I put my mind to and I can get through anything. So far I have made it 4 years without the person I swore I couldn’t live without, I wanted to die when I was 15 because I didn’t know how to exist without her, I didn’t know how to be on my own. I’d never been on my own before.
But here I am 4 years later, and I’m getting stronger every day. I wanted something to resemble both Lana and my best friend, my tattoo may only be two words to some people but to me, it captures everything that me, my best friend and Lana will always be. I have the whole universe engraved on my skin forever; I couldn’t even describe how much love I have within me for that.
Even though this post may seem sad, I don’t want it to be. I know that you reading this can get through anything and I believe in you, life is hard and it’s shitty and it’s also extremely unfair, but you have to show it that it’s not going to get the better of you, because it can also be beautiful. You just have to show it you’ll always win. Life is way too short to let yourself be unhappy and to spend time worrying about what other people think, “Live fast. Die young. Be wild. And have fun”. Shave your head, pierce your nose, get that tattoo you always wanted, write love letters, wear that bikini you’ve had in your wardrobe for 3 years, go skinny dipping, WEAR THAT SHIRT WITHOUT A BRA, blast music as loud as you can, always say yes to seeing people, tell everyone you love them, tell the boy that hurt you to trip over a knife or something, eat that slice of cake, do whatever the hell you want.
My best friend would tell you the same. I know it’s my job now to take on life for the both of us and live it to the fullest. She may not have got that chance while she was here, but I’m going to make sure she gets that chance now through me.
“Who are you?
Are you in touch with all of your darkest fantasies?
Have you created a life for yourself where you can experience them?
I have. I am fucking crazy.
But I am free.”
All my love,