I got my fourth tattoo! ⚡️

Hello loves,

So originally I wasn’t going to turn this into a post (I didn’t think I’d have enough to write about) but a lot of you have asked me to write about getting my fourth tattoo and so of course, why not! I will at some point also do a tattoo tag but I’m holding off from that at the minute since I have a lot more still on the list that I’d like to include, but I will get round to it at some point I promise, bear with!

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My fourth tattoo is a small one – nothing extravagant. It’s the words “just ride” in my best friend’s handwriting underneath the bend / crease in my arm (what’s that part even called????) and it’s from the song Ride by Lana Del Rey. As you may already know since I’ve mentioned it before, my best friend passed away when we were 15, she was my soul mate. We’d been best friends for 11 years and Lana is someone so, so significant and important to the both of us and she (Lana) channels my best friend like no other, her music literally saved me, I don’t know how I would have made it through without it and without her, it may sound strange but she was my only savior in the sense that she was the one person that made me feel okay again, because nothing else did.

Ride is my favourite song in the world; if you’ve listened to it you’ll understand why. It was mine and my best friend’s song and the lyrics just resonate with me like nothing else. The official video is around 10 minutes long because there’s a prologue and epilogue also featured in it, I won’t paste it all here since it’s quite long and you guys might not want to read it but if you do, just type it into Google and you’ll find it (if you read it let me know what you think!). Basically, the song and the spoken word are about the idea of freedom, home, being lost and being found etc. – the vibe of the whole kind of person I am and whenever I hear Lana talking I just close my eyes and listen…I travel to another place that’s far away from here. I’ve written the prologue and epilogue out so many times I could probably recite it backwards, but I just adore it so much. I adore her.

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Instead of trying to explain what exactly this tattoo means to me, I’ll show you what I wrote to my best friend instead.

So I went and did this crazy thing yesterday where I got your handwriting tattooed on me, cause you’re my best friend and I love you more than the fucking sun. I’ve wanted to do this for such a long time but couldn’t figure out the right thing, but this idea kept crossing my mind. It’s so weird to think I was sat next to you while you were writing the things this tattoo came from & now 6 years later I’ve got it permanently inked on my skin to honour you and the way you changed my life. Life is crazy and heartbreaking. I hope you love it just as much as I do, after the first tattoo I still wanted to get something else to resemble you and I’ve spent the past 4 years trying to figure something out, it’s really hard to put 11 years worth of us into one thing but I think this sums it up, I could hear you telling me this was the one and I know that this captures everything we are and always will be, I will also never forget that day, especially since it was one of our last. Running up and down the street in the rain like crazy kids with everyone wondering what the hell we were doing. I’m so glad I got to share and make those memories with you because it was something only we could understand, I’m so glad that I can manifest that memory into something visible and permanent and I’m so glad that I can hear your voice whenever I press play. Whenever the music starts, all I can hear is us and whenever I’m in the car I swear you’re in the passenger seat holding my hand and singing along with me like you always would have been, your voice the loudest thing I can hear. Thank you for leaving me with something that was going to get me through being 15 when I didn’t know if I could live anymore because I didn’t know how to exist without you. Thank you for giving me something that allowed me to get through 16, 17, 18 and 19. Each year is different, each year I count individually because it’s still a process, thank you for leaving me with something that still gave me pieces of you when I couldn’t find you in anything or anyone else. I’m so emotional but in the best way, in a happy way. The sadness is gone for this one Chels, this one is only full of love and light. Everything that you are.
I can’t wait to see you again; I’ll meet you in the sky.
From your best friend forever and always,
Chloe xxx

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The whole idea of this line in the song is “When I’m at war with myself, I ride. I just ride”. It reminds me that throughout all of the shit I’ve been through so far, and for all the shit I’ll probably go through in the future, to just ride. When I’m at war with myself…just ride. All I need to do is look down at my arm and remember she’s there with me and I can do it, I can do whatever I put my mind to and I can get through anything. So far I have made it 4 years without the person I swore I couldn’t live without, I wanted to die when I was 15 because I didn’t know how to exist without her, I didn’t know how to be on my own. I’d never been on my own before.

But here I am 4 years later, and I’m getting stronger every day. I wanted something to resemble both Lana and my best friend, my tattoo may only be two words to some people but to me, it captures everything that me, my best friend and Lana will always be. I have the whole universe engraved on my skin forever; I couldn’t even describe how much love I have within me for that.

Even though this post may seem sad, I don’t want it to be. I know that you reading this can get through anything and I believe in you, life is hard and it’s shitty and it’s also extremely unfair, but you have to show it that it’s not going to get the better of you, because it can also be beautiful. You just have to show it you’ll always win. Life is way too short to let yourself be unhappy and to spend time worrying about what other people think, “Live fast. Die young. Be wild. And have fun”. Shave your head, pierce your nose, get that tattoo you always wanted, write love letters, wear that bikini you’ve had in your wardrobe for 3 years, go skinny dipping, WEAR THAT SHIRT WITHOUT A BRA, blast music as loud as you can, always say yes to seeing people, tell everyone you love them, tell the boy that hurt you to trip over a knife or something, eat that slice of cake, do whatever the hell you want.

My best friend would tell you the same. I know it’s my job now to take on life for the both of us and live it to the fullest. She may not have got that chance while she was here, but I’m going to make sure she gets that chance now through me.

“Who are you?
Are you in touch with all of your darkest fantasies?
Have you created a life for yourself where you can experience them?
I have. I am fucking crazy.
But I am free.”

All my love,

Chloe .xx