Recently as I’ve been growing and changing in order to handle myself better in situations, I’ve been very conscious about the things I say. For example, when people get angry they say things they don’t mean, when they’re happy they make promises they can’t keep and when they’re sad they make rash decisions that will never end well. Over time as I’ve (literally) been confronting certain demons / aspects of my life I’ve had to lay my cards on the table and say okay, this is how I feel – here’s the truth.
I’ve thought very carefully about what I’ve said to people, not because I’m trying to be sneaky or lie to them, but because I know that once I’ve put those words / opinions out there, I can’t take them back. I have to be very sure of what I say and stand by it – I have to back myself, basically. I have to trust that what I said was right and stand by it, so I have to take extra care when saying things.
Obviously, confronting these demons (people) means I was prepared for a lot of backlash and dispute, because the second you begin to put shitty people in their place, they don’t like it. They’re ignorant and only see things through tunnel vision therefore unless you have the same viewpoint as them, you’re wrong. I very carefully thought out my ‘argument’ and once they (unsurprisingly) began to argue against it I kind of sat back and was like hey, I said what I said.
I think it’s the idea of having no regrets basically, I never want to be in a situation where I’ve been arguing with someone who was in the wrong and then have a fit of rage where I also say things I shouldn’t, as this then makes me look childish and forces me to apologise (which I have no problem doing, but it takes away from the initial point of the argument which was the fact the other person was in the wrong, but because I’ve now messed up as well, they can use it against me).
I’ve said this before but I’m a very empathetic person and always try to see things from other people’s perspectives before reacting to a situation, but sometimes other people are just plain wrong, and that’s it. It took me a long time to get the courage to actually confront these people and say hey, even though you’ve tried to make me feel guilty here, I did nothing wrong and this was all down to you. I won’t take the blame for it. I did this nearly a year ago now with someone and I still stand by every word I said during that time, it’s refreshing to not feel embarrassed or have to go back on my word as such by saying “yeah actually, I did say a few things I shouldn’t have”.
I’m learning to trust myself and stand by myself, other people will do anything they can to manipulate you into feeling like you’re a bad person and that everything was all your fault and therefore you should apologise. Once you get the courage to tell them they’re talking shit, basically, this power comes over you and you know you’ll never go back to apologising for things that were never your fault. I carefully think out my argument and then let it out into the world, knowing I won’t regret it or want to take it back. Even months down the line when people try to come back and bring it up again, I literally reference myself because everything I said before still stands.
Susan over here will be trying to bring up an issue we argued over 4 months ago and I will say “Well Susan, as I said previously when we discussed this before, the reason you didn’t x / y / z was because x / y / z” and when Susan again tries to argue this again with me, I will sit back and say “Susan, I said what I said.”
Do you know how freeing that is to not constantly argue again and again over something, because you already put your carefully thought out argument / opinion out there and therefore have nothing else to say? Because you don’t need to go back on your word? Because everything you said is still relevant and still stands? SO FREEING. And such a time and energy saver.
Honestly, take the extra few minutes to calm down, get a level head, review all opinions / viewpoints and then carefully think out your ‘argument’ and put it out there into the world. Job done. You then don’t need to waste time and energy in the future re-arguing over the same thing because you said what you said and you stand by it. End of.
There’s really no point to this post other than the fact this is something I’ve been doing a lot lately and it’s honestly such a great feeling to basically trust your own word and know that what you said was the mature and correct way to handle the situation.
And if anyone wants to dispute this post? I said what I said.
I’m kidding. Let me know what you think anyways.
All my love,