Feels like I’ve been MIA again recently – I haven’t, I’ve been writing lots of blog posts behind the scenes and putting up my regular 3 posts a week as usual, but I haven’t actually been interacting as much because again, my mental health is going down the drain (again – I’m working on it, I’m so bored of it now).
I’m glad I have this blog because I feel as though if I didn’t, I might not even exist sometimes at all. I document everything here – music I like, books I’ve read (and what I thought about them), heartbreak, mental health, relationships…everything. All of my thoughts and opinions are documented in this little corner of the internet and without it I feel like I wouldn’t really exist properly. Sounds weird, I know, but if anyone ever needs to know anything about me…I can just direct them here. You want to know what my tattoo means? I already explained it in a post. You want to know what I thought of that book? I already wrote a review on it. You want to know my opinion on body confidence? I already wrote a post about it. You want to know where I’m at with my mental health right now? I already explained it.
It’s very freeing to essentially be able to talk in depth about things happening in my life without fear of judgement – I don’t need to mention names or go into specifics, I’m not trying to throw shade at anyone (that’s not my style though anyway), I can just write about what I’m personally going through, how it’s making me feel and how I’m planning on dealing with it – sometimes you just need to sit down and vent everything out – I’ve always found it extremely helpful for me to get my feelings down on paper because it helps me to make sense of it all a lot better. Bottling things up is never the answer and even though I do this in real life (as in, I don’t talk about my problems out loud) that doesn’t matter because I know I can come on here and write about them instead, which I prefer because that way, it’s documented and I can refer and look back on it whenever I want to. I can look back on posts I made a year ago when I was going through a ‘break up’ and see where my head was at and what I was thinking, or if someone was to ask me about it, instead of having to write out the whole story for them I could just direct them to those posts and say “this is what I was writing during that time as I was going through it, everything is explained here”.
It’s documenting, and even though this blog is as much for you guys to read and enjoy, it’s also for myself to be able to document my thoughts and opinions, knowing I’m leaving at least a tiny little mark out there on the world. I like to look back on things and be able to say hey, if you wanna know my thoughts on this topic, I already wrote about it. It’s so easy, because this blog is me. All I’d ever need to do is direct someone to my blog and say well, if you want to know what type of person I am…here it is.
It allows me to take a positive from a negative situation – yes I may be feeling like the world is on my shoulders right now, but at least I can write about it, at least I can turn it into a blog post and share it with others who may be feeling the same way or need to hear it right now. If what I’m going through can help just one other person, that’s good enough for me.
I really feel like I’ve fulfilled something within me by having this blog, something that I was missing before, sure, there are other creative endeavours I want to take on that I’m not quite confident enough to pursue yet, but this little blog here is a start and I really, really love it. I always say it but I want to expand my horizons, do more, create more, and I still don’t know how I’m really going to do that yet but we’ll see, I want to experiment and start doing interviews and things on here – representation is what I want. I want everyone to feel represented on this blog, I have friends of different races from different backgrounds and I really want to start doing segments where I interview them and ask them questions that are specific to who they are, if that makes sense. No one I know in real life knows I have this blog because like I’ve said before, I’m very open on here and it’s a space where I can freely express myself and I know I’d stop doing that immediately if I knew there were prying eyes from people in my day to day life that were reading my content. However, my friends are very much supportive of my writing and I’ve already began discussing with them the prospects of creating these posts and they can’t wait to get started – hopefully they should be appearing in your readers very soon!
I’m very grateful to have this little family on here where I can rant about the boy that’s currently breaking my heart or the fact that last week my depression was so bad I wanted to jump out a window, I like hearing your thoughts, opinions and advice and sharing these things with you knowing there’s going to be no judgement from either side, just support and acceptance.
I know I’ve said it before but I really don’t know what I’d do without this blog, it means so much to me and I think I would have officially gone insane now without it, so thank you for allowing me a place to express myself and the messy thoughts and feelings swirling around my head, it really means the most.
All my love,