second chances

Hi loves,

I wrote this post a long ass while ago now and it’s just been sitting in my drafts ever since. This week I’m planning on doing some October wrap ups so before I do that I thought I’d start off Monday with one of my rambling posts as usual – like I said, I wrote it a while ago so some of the timings are probably off but just go with it – I hope you enjoy .xx

I haven’t written a post like this for a while (or so it feels)– a long, chatty, in depth talk about emotions and feelings and all that jazz. My blog used to pretty much consist of only those types of posts and you all seemed to really enjoy them but I haven’t posted one for a couple of months and it felt weird, I feel like I’ve been disconnected from my blog a bit lately and I’ve no idea why – I still post and interact with everyone as much as I always have done, but it just felt like something was missing, and maybe it was one of these posts.

The reason I haven’t posted one like this for a while is because the inspiration for them would come from places of sadness, basically. I wasn’t sad in the post itself – I would just use it as an opportunity to talk everything out and express my emotions in order to grow from them, but lately I’ve been so content and happy that I’ve literally had nothing emotional and in-depth to write about, which is I guess both a blessing and a curse (for a writer) – I usually write more when I’m sad because it’s like a release for me however, when I’m happy I’m very much just in the moment and trying to enjoy it for what it is, therefore the insightful emotional posts from Chloe have been lacking lately.

However,

Welcome to today’s post.

I am not sad today, but I do have something to write about – second chances.

Second chances are something I’ve always struggled with in life, it’s kind of like a battle between my head and my heart. I’m somebody who sees the good in everyone and believes that we all have good, kind hearts – I want to give people second chances (within reason, of course) because I believe that everybody makes mistakes and that we can all learn from them to grow and change, however, they don’t always pay off – I’ve given people second, third…fourth chances before because I’ve wanted to believe they can change, I’ve wanted to believe that they’re good people and that they wouldn’t really hurt me again because they’re ‘different this time’…but somehow, that never really ends up being the case.

So I got tough. I no longer wanted to be walked all over or made a fool of so I became this strong, independent woman (who deffo doesn’t need a man) and basically stopped giving people chances. When someone hurt me or abused my trust, I would leave and cut myself off from them and I felt amazing for it – no way was I going to give them my heart and let them stamp all over it, basically. This goes for both friendships and relationships.

So here I am lately, going about my life, enjoying the fact that I’ve taken control of it and am no longer letting shitty people hurt me because I love and respect myself a lot more than that now, when someone that I used to know basically pops back up into the picture. I never really talk specifically about people on my blog and I definitely don’t mention names, but said person who came back into my life sparked this and a few others around that time, which was, basically, a really shitty time for me and I ended up spiralling back down into this deep pit of depression, which I talk about in those posts.

Long story short, this is the second time they’ve tried to come back into my life after I cut them off months ago and now I’ve somehow ended up talking to them again because they’re trying to show me they’re a changed person. So cool, whatever – I’ll keep you all posted and we’ll see how that one turns out. The difference is that this time I’m no longer emotionally invested in this person so there’s no chance of me getting hurt, which begs the question of why I didn’t just tell them to get lost again like I have the previous times, but I think it’s because I just felt sorry for them (like I said, I’m too soft) – they told me that the way they behaved was inexcusable and that they miss me and yada yada – things they’ve told me ever since I cut them off and it didn’t look like they were about to give up anytime soon so I was like yeah okay, prove to me you’ve changed then. It’s not like it makes a difference to me because I couldn’t care either way, I think I just feel sorry for them.

So that’s the first second chance I’ve given out this month, the second…second chance I’ve given out was to try and rekindle a friendship with my best friend (you may remember that from this post) but long story short us reuniting was short lived and we ended up going back to the stage of not talking again. We used to send really long emails to each other basically just pouring our hearts out because it was easier to communicate in that sense than it was via text message, so out of the blue after not speaking for a few months (and again, accepting that our friendship was probably over) she sent me an email a couple of weeks ago asking if we could try to make things work because she wanted to come back into my life again and I thought yeah, okay. Like I said, I’m very happy in my life at the moment without these people (that sounds harsher than intended) so it’s not like I need them in my life, I’m doing perfectly fine without them but I guess it doesn’t hurt to try. I just need to stop getting so emotionally invested in everything which is probably my biggest downfall because I’m such an emotional person – everything I do has a massive affect on me, basically. It’s probably another reason why I’m so hesitant to give people second chances now, I want to but if they do the same thing to me as before then I can’t go through it again because of how much it hurt me the first time – why would I want to voluntarily put myself through that twice?

I’m nervous about both situations, actually. Nervous because if both of them go wrong again I won’t know what to do because I could have easily avoided it by saying no, but I didn’t. I have a very different mindset now – like I said, I’m strong, independent and love and respect myself way more now than to let people walk all over me, but I guess I don’t want to actually test that theory out, if that makes sense. I don’t want to re-experience the situation to see if my mind really has changed, I’d rather just avoid the situation altogether and cross that bridge when I come to it because if my mindset does get put to the test and it in fact hasn’t changed, I’m going to go into a deep pit of despair and sadness again basically, and I don’t want that because I’m very content with life right now. Is this even making sense? I’m rambling. Basically, I’m nervous because I don’t want to end up having voluntarily put myself back into a situation that I already got over and was fine with. I’m sure you get what I mean. I don’t want to regret giving out these second chances, but I’m apprehensive.

I hope you enjoyed this little collection of thoughts / life update, (if you could even call it that) – I’ve really missed doing these posts and will just have to learn to pour my heart out when I’m happy as well as when I’m sad.

All my love,

Chloe .xx

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16 thoughts on “second chances

  1. Hannah says:

    I have always struggled to cut people out of my life completely so I understand why you would let them back into your life. I just hope that you don’t end up suffering because of that decision. Remember who you are without them and let them be add-ons to your life but never someone that is needed to complete the picture. xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. seaofwordsx says:

    I really love these kind of posts so much ❤️ You wrote it so beautiful. I’m also an emotional person as you know so I can understand you. I feel I can write better when I’m sad too. I remember also situations in my life with people who hurt me and I didn’t give them a second chance because the hurt was way too much for me. Sometimes it’s okay to give a second chance it depends. I’m glad you are loving yourself and are more stronger than before. Love you ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chloe Luna says:

      Thank you!! Your words are so appreciated as always. My way of coping with sadness is just to write and pour my heart out but when I’m happy I don’t need that release so I find myself reaching for my pen and paper less and therefore the creativity is formed in other ways, but I love writing too much to try and just be okay with that. Whenever I’m sad I always end up writing pieces that I’m really proud of and that’s how I turn the situation into a positive – at least I wrote a nice piece about how I was feeling! Love you too angel ❤️ hope you’re good xx

      Liked by 1 person

  3. chloeburford says:

    Ive always found it impossible to cut people off fully because its like what if they do change?? I have been called a push over and also a feisty confident woman too so I can totally relate to this post. I think second chances are good, but also totally normal to keep your guard up and they should respect that. I loved this little update post and sending love your way! xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chloe Luna says:

      So true! I feel like I always live in this constant state of “what if” (I’ve probably rambled about it somewhere before knowing me) but I’m always looking at the possibilities and worrying about regrets that I don’t even HAVE yet, but sometimes you just have to draw the line and understand that what will be will be. Hope you’re well lovely xxx

      Like

  4. theautumndaydreamer says:

    I love love love this so much, Chloe. I think you need to pour your heart out like this more often – I think that your words are beautiful. I understand completely the fear with giving people second chances. There is this Youtuber that I really look up to – her name is Rhia Sage – and she made a video similar to what you talked about here. She repeatedly said throughout the video, “I am not a doormat,” and ever since watching that video, I like to remind myself and others of this because it is so true. But like you, I also (and am sure many others) struggle with that battle between our mind and heart. I believe that this time around, your friendship will not be cut by some invisible thread – giving her another chance will be a really good thing for you, Chloe – I hope! xx ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chloe Luna says:

      This put the biggest smile on my face you have no idea❤ thank you. I haven’t heard of Rhia but I’ll definitely check her out, 1000000% agree with that saying though “I am not a doormat”! and it’s so true. So, so true. We have to remind and teach ourselves that sometimes. Thank you so much for your lovely words, they’re so appreciated. I hope you’re well angel xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  5. abbyuppington says:

    Mate. I cannot even describe how much I relate to the best friend thing. The exact same thing is happening with me (still at this old age) I’ve written it all in a post but I know she reads (or did) them, so I don’t know if I want to publish it. Maybe.
    I get it though, my heart is broken – I literally have done nothing wrong, I’m just not good enough to be friends with and that sucks. Meh. 💔

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chloe Luna says:

      Abby you’re not old HAHAHA shut up 💞 if you feel like it’ll cause more trouble than it’s worth keep it drafted and post it when a little more time has gone by but if you feel like it’s gonna benefit you then post it and I’m sure it’ll do you both good, either way just do whatever feels right for you. You’re MORE than good enough to be friends with omg stop that, anyone who’s friends with you doesn’t know how lucky they are (forreal), you’re the best xxx

      Liked by 1 person

      • abbyuppington says:

        Yeah I think you’re right – id be too anxious on how it is received.
        Thats very kind thank you, but i guess when some doesn’t want to be your friend for no other reason than they just don’t want to be your friend makes you doubt you entire character which has been so difficult to deal with 💔
        Thank you though lovely, that means a lot xxxx

        Liked by 1 person

  6. beforetheclockstrikes12 says:

    It is extremely hard to cut people off from my life. In fact, I have never even done it. I may not know you personally, but from your blog posts, you seem to have an extremely big heart and a very forgiving personality. I am glad you are giving these people new chances to be part of your life once again. You never know what adventures or mishaps they might lead to, but that`s the fun part of life I guess.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chloe Luna says:

      This is such a lovely thing for you to say, thank you so much. Cutting people off is hard but I feel like I got to a point in my life where I knew I needed to start putting myself first and removing toxic people from my life was the first step, but you’re right – you never know what could come from second chances. I’m excited to find out!

      Liked by 1 person

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