This post was inspired by a video by Lucy Moon – aka, a guide to “identifying fuckboys, and learning how to avoid them like the plague”. This post has been in my drafts for over a year now (the original video was posted in April 2017 to give you a bit of context) because a while ago I started seeing (unbeknownst to me) yet another fuckboy and when I realised it I just thought wow, I did not see that coming.
Or maybe I did, a lot of the time I make excuses for people I have feelings for because I’m someone who always sees the best in people and likes to believe that everyone is a good person, even though I know that’s not the case. In some ways, I thought this person was just an occasional narcissist and because I liked them so much, I could just learn to live with it.
They were so much worse than that. As I was in the process of kicking them out of my life, my friend sent me this video and said “Omg, this literally describes every single thing that they are” and sure enough as I watched and heard Lucy read off the list, I was mentally ticking every single point off in my head.
She splits them into two categories, the first being the initial encounter of a fuckboy that you’re meeting for the first time, and the second being someone that you’ve invited into your life and are somehow now only just realising is a fuckboy as the signs become clearer (my situation was definitely the latter).
So, with the help of Lucy’s video, here’s a guide of how to spot fuckboys and avoid them like the plague..
1). Using the cry laugh emoji
The cry laugh emoji (😂) is single handedly my most hated thing in life. Period. Even looking at it makes me feel nauseous. Anyone who uses this I do not trust in any way, shape or form. Even if you’re a girl. Even if you’re my mum. Or my friend. Not anymore. I don’t trust you because what normal person uses that emoji? Fuckboys and morons. That’s who. If I’m getting on really well with somebody and they suddenly throw a 😂 into the conversation best believe all interest in them has been lost. I will specifically ask people not to use it because I hate it so much. Maybe I need therapy or maybe you’re just sly, only time will tell.
2). Saying ‘aha’ or ‘lol’ excessively
Do I need to even expand on this one? Someone aha who writes aha at the end of aha every sentence aha lol is someone to be avoided at all costs. Don’t trust them. They’re probably 14 and hang out at McDonald’s for fun.
3). If he says “all girls this” or “all girls that”
Lucy didn’t mention this but I wanna add here that if he also describes all of his exes as “psychotic bitches” then stay away. He’s the epitome of what all women hate in men. Avoid at all costs. If he tarnishes us all with the same brush ladies, get the hell out of there.
4). If he doesn’t want to talk about anything genuine or interesting because he says it’s getting “too deep”
If all he wants to talk about is superficial crap and your conversations consist of “hi how are you wyd nm you” then save yourself the trouble and block him right now. Countless times I’ve been speaking to guys who’ve asked me something and once I’ve given them an answer they’ll respond with “lol alright chill out” or “wow bit deep”. Fuck off, it’s not my fault you have two braincells.
5). If he only messages you after you’ve posted a selfie
…Need I say anymore here. As Lucy said, we all know what that means.
6). If he only texts you at 2am
Probably the biggest sign of fuckboyism there is – if he only messages you late at night when he’s in bed…good luck Charlie.
The Higher Level of Fuckboyism
7). He acts too cool for things / YOU
Everything is embarrassing and he’s too cool for pretty much anyone or anything, he thinks he’s above everything and everyone else. Anything even slightly uncool or out of the ordinary is extremely embarrassing and he thinks you’re weird for it.
8). If he speaks like an idiot around his friends
Guys whose personalities instantly change around their friends are a big fat warning sign and you should pay attention to it !! If he instantly becomes a different person when he’s with his friends because he thinks he’s cool and is therefore embarrassed of anything else, stay the fuck away. As Lucy mentioned, also pay attention to the way he talks about women when he’s with his friends and more importantly, you.
9). If he wants to keep your friendship / relationship private
Big fat warning sign. He doesn’t wanna “put a label on things”. He wants to keep it casual. Why? What’s he trying to hide? I wonder.
10). Guilt tripping / blackmailing you when he doesn’t get what he wants
If he throws a tantrum and goes into a spiral of shitty behaviour when he doesn’t get what he wants from you, get away from him. For example, you tell him you can’t see him tonight so he instantly dismisses you and decides to ignore you until further notice and posts things on his Snapchat story of him out with other people / girls purposely just to spite you. Or he tries to guilt trip you and make you look like the bad one in the situation just because you’re not giving him what he wants. Get rid of him.
11). If he’s unable to see other people’s points of view
This is the one I mentioned at the beginning with my person being an ‘occasional narcissist’ – he wasn’t, he was a full time narcissist. He was always right and everyone else was wrong, everyone else was stupid and he was always smarter than them, anyone who tried to disagree with the way he saw things would be instantly dismissed.
12). He flips between being into you and ignoring you
If one minute he’s hot and the next minute he’s cold? Get rid of him. You’re just a pawn in his game and he’s fucking with you for no reason other than the fact he’s a complete moron. When you do the same back to him and start being distant, he’s suddenly all over you again and is 100% back into you. Classic fuckboyism. It’s just one big game.
13). If he says something ignorant and argues his point of view in a patronising way
When I watched this video for the first time and heard Lucy make this point I literally screamed because it was like she was reading my mind. If he makes ignorant comments and once you correct him on them, proceeds to argue his point and talk down to you in a patronising manner like you’re some kind of idiot, tell him to fuck off. Countless times I’ve had a conversation with guys who’ve made ignorant comments and when I’ve called them out on it, they’ve turned the situation around on me like I’m “ruining the joke” or have no sense of humour whilst trying to argue their point to me like I’m 3 years old. No thanks.
14). If he acts disinterested and makes you second guess yourself
My whole love life in a single sentence. I used to think it was down to me just being anxious but literally, if he plays with your feelings, goes hot and cold, acts disinterested and therefore makes you constantly second guess yourself, get rid of him asap.
15). If he’s patronising to the point it becomes a personality flaw
Again, I resonate with this one 100000%. If he’s patronising to the point it becomes a word you describe him with – red flag. It’s a part of who he is and you don’t want anything to do with that.
This is on a more serious note now but it popped up into my head as I was writing point 14 – there’s a quote I read a couple of years ago that said “you gave me panic attacks and I called it love” and I’ve never resonated with something more. If he makes you feel so uncomfortable, unrelaxed, unstable, anxious to the point you can’t breathe because you’re constantly second guessing yourself and your mind feels like it’s about to explode. Get out of there. I’ve been there. I’ve had those panic attacks and called it love. I feel like most of my ‘love’ life consists of me just feeling constantly sick because I’m so on edge all the time. Never, ever, let someone make you feel like that. You deserve better. Always.
I hope you enjoyed this loves, I thought it would be something a little different as I don’t normally do posts like this but Lucy is brilliant and I just had to because she hit every nail on the head.
Stay away from anyone who has the characteristics of the things on this list because you’re all amazing and deserve so much better.
All my love,