a spider web and it’s me in the middle

24/12/18

I kind of got into this mindset of realising that some days I do wake up and want to feel utterly horrible. I want to listen to angry music and be rude and ignore everyone and refuse to make eye contact because some days, I need to let this rage out. Once I come out of it, I realise that it’s not how I actually want to be, but for many years this was how I was living my life. I feel my prettiest when I’m being kind to others and making them smile. I feel beautiful, I feel lovely, I feel whole. I love that version of myself, I think she’s wonderful. Some days I do wake up and want to feel horrible, but so does everyone. I realised that I don’t need to live my life like that in order to say fuck you to the world for the horrible things it’s done to me. Instead, I need to wake up, embrace it and say thank you, for you have taught me to become someone I never would have been otherwise. I am lovely because of the anger I choose to turn into something beautiful. I have been hurt, but I will not hurt others in return. I will not hurt the world in order to heal my own pain, because it does not work. I will smile and say thank you. and I will love with all that my heart has to offer, because it is the most honest thing I can give you. palms up, face to the sky.

I will not let the world make me cold. I am the sun, embodied in light.

And you will not put me out.

14 thoughts on “a spider web and it’s me in the middle

  1. kiki | soyvirgo.com says:

    ahhh!! so sweet! i felt that way at some point too.
    i was being such a B to my family and same way to strangers. its like, no wonder everyone treats others like crap. we all have the same mindset that we must be rude and cold before we get hurt.

    i decided to not be that way later on though and i really like being nice now, even to rude people. in return the rude ppl look dumb for being mean and bitter to someone who is kind lol

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chloe Luna says:

      As the saying goes, you can’t fight fire with fire! Being nice to rude people is one of the best things you can do, because it confuses them so much. There’s nothing more irritating to them than having someone smiling in their face when they’re being awkward !! xx

      Like

  2. Minae says:

    that’s the spirit! it’s so easy to fall into a negative mindset especially in the early morning when you get out of bed, but then it sets you up for a foul day that we would all be better off without! Beautiful writing too ❀

    Liked by 1 person

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