Dear 2020

Hello my loves,

Happy new year !! Sorry I’ve been a bit MIA over Christmas but everything has been so busy, I have so many wrap up posts that I need to finish up so be expecting a few of those in the coming weeks…

I’m not really sure what this post is, I guess I just thought I’d speak some things into existence and tell you guys what my main plans are for 2020 and what I hope to achieve / accomplish in the next 12 months. There are so many things I’d of course love to do, but I’ve narrowed it down to my three major goals that I’d love to work on / achieve this year.

(p.s. – this is also my 300th post! wowie).

Uni

Not to toot my own horn or anything but I’m doing really well with Uni so far! I’m so glad I took the leap to actually start a degree because now I feel like my mind is actually being put to use rather than just being on stand still and not doing anything. In 2020 I will have completed my first year which will be such a nice achievement for me like, yay !! You took the plunge and you’ve just finished your first year !! *lots of pats on the back*. I’ll also be starting my second year so hopefully that will go equally as well.

Korean

I can’t remember if I’ve spoken about this before (????) I feel like I’ve been saying that a lot lately because I honestly can’t remember what I have and haven’t mentioned these days – aka I’m getting old. Anyway, as you guys know I’ve been into Kpop since early last year and I watch a fat ton of Korean variety shows on top of that so all I ever hear is Korean, Korean and a bit more Korean. I probably hear more Korean on a daily basis than I do English and I wish I was kidding. Anyway (again), I’ve been studying it on and off for around a year now but over the past few weeks I’ve really got my head down and started to study it seriously. Naturally from hearing it so much and being exposed to so much of it already I’d say I have a good range of vocab which, hasn’t always been helpful as there used to be a point where I couldn’t tell you what the word for table was but I could tell you if there’d been a broadcasting accident. I feel like when you absorb a language through listening / exposure you end up just picking up the most random words and phrases which, is funny when you think about it. Sometimes I’ll use words and be met with a “how do you know that???” and it’s like, I have no idea. Someone said it and my brain decided that was the word it wanted to remember. This year I’d like to expand my vocab further and work on my sentence structures and stuff so that I can start being more complex with what I say and I’d also love to work on my speaking because I am so shy when it comes to it so, I really hope I can improve a lot this year.

Love Myself

And last but certainly not least, I want to love myself. Truly. I feel like this year is the year where I could actually potentially do it, which is not something I guess I’ve honestly felt before – normally I just trick myself into believing that I can when deep down I know there’s a super high chance it’s not going to happen. Over the past couple of years I’ve let so many things go, so many toxic habits and so many toxic mental things that used to destroy me and feel like they were rotting my brain and now I just feel like I’m grown. I’m still growing but those darker things are gone now because I’ve grown from them and let them go. I’m still not ‘cured’ whatever that means – I still have my ups and downs as you all know. Some days I feel really great and optimistic and then others my mental health just completely takes over and I feel like I’m never going to be okay ever again. With highs come lows and I just have to accept them and remind myself that when I do feel completely sad, anxious and awful etc. it’s not going to stay that way forever – most of the time a good sleep and a new day ahead of me is a great way to start all over again so, I just have to keep that in mind.

I am feeling really positive for 2020 which, I feel like I kid myself into every year – I always tell myself that this new year is going to be great and I’m going to do all of these amazing things but then it never happens that way and it’s just the same old vicious cycle, but this year I do actually feel very optimistic. I’ve set out clear goals for myself of the things I’d like to work on and achieve and I’m going to work my little butt off to achieve them. It’s going to be a lot of hard work and it’s going to take a lot of time, it’s going to be stressful and I’m going to feel defeated more times than not but I have to tell myself to keep pushing through because I can do this, the only person stopping me is myself. I have every tool available to me and I have the ability to achieve and accomplish these things so I have to remember that and grab them with both hands. I have the ability to do amazing things and I really do feel like in 2020 I may actually get somewhere with that, which is a very nice thought.

I hope 2020 will be an amazing year for all of you too because you truly deserve it, I’m speaking all of my positive thoughts into the universe for you 💫 I hope this year treats you well and that you all achieve everything you set out to do because you absolutely can and you should acknowledge that. I believe in you. You’re all capable of amazing things.

Here’s to 2020 being a better year for all of us.

All my love,

Chloe .xx