Here’s April’s book reviews!
Ashley Bell – Dean Koontz
So…this book. I won this book in a Goodreads giveaway years ago now and never got around to reading it, until I started looking at the most popular books on Kindle recently and saw that Dean Koontz was a name that kept popping up a lot, and since I already owned a book written by him, I thought I’d give it a go.
I wish I hadn’t.
After my experience of reading Ashley Bell, I can safely say that I do not rate Dean Koontz as an author. At all. His writing was all over the place, it was so weird, like he was just weaving in and out of lines that didn’t make any coherent sense, like he was trying to do something and make himself look smart when actually, it just made him look strange and I kept thinking to myself…who the hell wrote this?
Everything serious happened very quickly and it was poorly executed in my opinion – it was like suddenly the world was ending and we were thrown straight into the deep end, presented with what I believe was Koontz’s attempt at poetic, lyrical writing accompanied by deep thoughts and metaphors, when 1). he (in my opinion) lacked the ability to do this as it all sounded very off and 2). he hadn’t yet developed the plot or the characters enough in order to have the right to do that or to be able to pull it off. It was all so underdeveloped that it came off as this rambling nonsense and it was very obvious he was trying too hard – he was introducing us to things as if we should have already known about them even though he hadn’t mentioned them up until that point, which therefore then failed to have the desired effect, as he hadn’t yet developed the plot enough in order to elicit those feeling and emotions within the reader. I didn’t care, basically. I just felt like he didn’t really know what he was writing about, it was like he was writing a book just for the sake of it – for the sake of having another published book to add to his collection.
His sentence structures were very weird…very off, and I kept finding grammatical errors which, as a spelling and grammar freak, really put me off and made it hard to concentrate since all I could think about was OH MY GOD LOOK AT THIS GRAMMAR. LOOK AT IT.
Also…our main female protagonist.
All I will say is, you can tell this book was written by a man. Seriously. Our main protagonist Bibi is a poor and failed attempt at writing a heroine, and she sucks. She’s supposed to be this defiant, strong, independent woman…but actually, she’s just incredibly unlikeable and annoying. Which is fine, if that was the purpose of Koontz writing her…but it wasn’t. We’re supposed to like her and I assume, want to be her, but it was just really off-putting. I think Koontz should stick to writing men in future because he clearly has no idea how to write a female lead. At one point I thought if I heard the phrase “valiant girls don’t do this / brave girls don’t do that / defiant girls do this” one more time I’d actually explode.
Bibi gets told she has a year to live and she’s like lol okay cool, don’t need your opinions anyway! She was also in an extremely hard to get into writing programme and the owner kicks her out for “reasons she won’t discuss with Bibi” and so even though Bibi doesn’t know what she’s supposed to have done…instead of doing the normal thing and you know, asking why, she’s just like well okay then! Didn’t need this anyway! I’m better than you! I’m an independent woman and I don’t need this! Which, spoiler alert, the reason she got kicked out of the writing programme…which we finally discover after 500 pages, was the most randomly pointless thing ever and so anti-climatic it was unbelievable.
And of course, I cannot forget the grand finale.
Bibi says she’s glad she has brain cancer, because it’ll show her soon-to-be husband’s true intentions. Yes, ladies and gentlemen. Bibi has brain cancer and all she’s worried about is the fact that it’ll show if her future husband will still find her attractive with hair or not. Because yes, as women that is the most important thing to us. Forget the fact I’m dying of brain cancer, the real priority here is will my future husband still fancy me when my hair’s fallen out ?? I honestly had to put the book down at this point because I was just so speechless.
A. man. wrote. this. book.
I did not get this book. Believe me when I tell you that this book has absolutely no point to it whatsoever. It’s so random and bizarre. The only reason I was intrigued enough to keep reading was to see how Koontz actually wrapped up and ‘resolved’ the story, because it was so utterly bizarre, I could not think of a single ending that would even make the slightest bit of sense.
And I was right, because it didn’t.
The ending was just…rubbish. Shockingly rubbish though, and if you’re British you probably know which word I’m replacing there. It was so pointless. The big reveal at the end was no big reveal at all because it sucked, basically, and all of the events that had happened in the book prior to this mysterious reveal now made even less sense because the severity of the revelation was not enough to generate the very severe events that had occurred because of it. The whole thing was just so disappointing and anti-climatic (if I wasn’t disappointed enough already) and I cannot believe I slogged through 600 pages of utter twaddle just to get to…that.
Speaking of pages, Bibi goes into a coma after the first 100 (which I don’t think is a spoiler and even if it is, forgive me because this book is so poor you shouldn’t read it anyway) – so we get 500 whole pages of her being in a coma, and then when she wakes up she literally says “Yuck. Brain cancer sucks!”, hops out of bed like it’s nothing, starts talking to her soon-to-be husband like she’s being paid to take part in a cheap porn movie, and no one seems to be reacting in the way they most definitely should be if that was in fact, the case.
This book was one of the most pointless things I’ve read, poorly executed with a dodgy storyline and characters that I didn’t care the slightest bit about – most of them were unlikeable. In fact, no, all of them were.
I do not rate Dean Koontz as an author at all and if you’re going to take anything away from this review, it’s the fact that you shouldn’t read this book. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.
Wild Embers – Nikita Gill
It’s hard to rate this one, it wasn’t for me personally as it just didn’t do anything for me and it all felt very flat, the structure of the poems felt a little off to me as they didn’t quite flow properly so I was kind of disappointed, as I thought (and was hoping) that Nikita Gill would be a writer I really liked. However, I gave it 3 stars because I can still appreciate her work and the effort she’s put in to create this book – seemingly a lot more than the likes of people like Amanda Lovelace so, 3 stars for her craft, though personally I’d give it a 2.5.
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets – J.K. Rowling
As mentioned in last month’s book post I have finally at the grand old age of 22, started to read Harry Potter. I again also read this one on Kindle hence why I don’t have a physical copy to show you, (and am therefore using the Kindle cover instead). I feel like as I’m making my way through this series I won’t have much to say about each individual book but out of the 3 I’ve read so far (Prisoner of Azkaban review below) I think Chamber of Secrets is my favourite! Looking forward to continuing on with the series.
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban – J.K. Rowling
So, I didn’t whizz through this one as quickly as I did the other 2, I think this one took me 3/4 days as oppose to 2. This one for me felt quite repetitive – whether that was due to the actual story itself or the fact it just happened to be the third time I ended up reading the same routine, I’m not sure, but I’m starting to get a little bored of the same storyline of the book starting when Harry’s at home for the Summer, eventually going back to Hogwarts, playing Quidditch, something evil comes after Harry, staying at Hogwarts over Christmas etc. – I think I was getting a little bored of now having to read the same storyline for the third time in a row and therefore I didn’t reach for the book as much as I did for the first 2 books. There also didn’t seem to be as much action this time either and I felt like the action only really happened during the last 25% of the book which was a little disappointing, though the ending was great.
Also why was the big Quidditch match only written over literally 4 pages when it’s one of the biggest things…ever, and one of the main highlights of the book ??? I said this in my Philosopher’s Stone review but everything is skipped over so fast in these stories!
I didn’t like this one as much as the other 2 but it was still an enjoyable read, so it still gets 3 stars from me.
All my love,
Goodreads – ChloLuna