I’M 23, BABY

Hello my loves,

It’s my birthday! And I can’t lie, I kind of forgot about it and writing this entire post until yesterday HA. Mainly because this birthday isn’t anything significant and I’m not one those people that really hypes their birthday up anyway – possibly an unpopular opinion but I cannot stand people who keep reminding you of their upcoming birthday every 2 seconds and will find a way to turn the conversation in the direction of them and their birthday for the 3 months before and until the actual date. You could literally be talking about a funeral and they’ll be like “Wow and speaking of death, does anyone know I was born 20 years ago this month?!” like okay Sally we get it, pipe down.

ANYWAY

I have nothing to say about it really other than the fact that I always do a birthday post just to document it each year I guess, and I might also do a what I got for my birthday post like I’ve done before but we’ll see. This year is of course different to any other year for obvious reasons, and this will be my first “COVID birthday” as of course last January we weren’t in a pandemic and could actually go out and live a normal life. Was that last year or a million years ago?? No one knows. Time has lost all meaning. Every day is the same.

I’m spending my day at work which isn’t something I normally do, but the thought of sitting at home all day and doing nothing makes me want to bang my head against the wall so, at least at work I can have some social interaction ’cause you know, you can’t get it anywhere else these days! I’ve forgotten what it’s like to properly speak to another human being. I don’t feel 23 at all and I won’t lie it does kind of freak me out a bit because it does feel like this is it and there’s no going back now…I feel like 23 is the age where you can’t get away with not classing yourself as an adult anymore. Like, 22? Yeah, you’re still young. 23? You’re a whole adult now (no thank you !!) I still feel 16 on the inside and I don’t like growing up and getting older, I feel like I’ve already reached the age where I’m starting to resent birthdays – please send help. I’m old as hell.

One thing I will say though is that I’m in a much better place than I was last year with my birthday – last year I spent my birthday dinner crying in the middle of a restaurant because I felt so spaced out and sad I just wanted to be by myself all day and hide, and the year before that wasn’t too much better, 21 made me feel like having a breakdown. This year however? I’m good. I’m all good. I’m very proud of myself for how far I’ve come, I put on a really nice outfit and did my hair and makeup, and today I love myself and I’m okay with being 23. I’m okay with being me today, and I hope the same for every day to come after that.

And that’s all I have to say I guess! Also kind of sad I’ve gone past the stage of ‘milestone’ birthdays now, as after 21 there’s just…nothing. At least for 22 I could sing Taylor Swift all day – nobody likes you when you’re 23 I guess.

All my love,

Chloe .xx