look at me I’m rambling again

Hi loves,

I feel like I’m gonna keep apologising for this until I manage to get myself together but sorry for being so absent lately. I’ve been so busy I’ve had no time to write new content because I haven’t had chance to think about things to write and all of the drafts I have are 75% finished but need little finishing touches that I haven’t gotten around to doing yet. Life just feels so busy right now which means I then get down about the fact I feel like I’m neglecting my blog and all the creativity and yada yada. It’s only been a week but it’s felt like forever. 

Sometimes I feel like I live in my own little dreamworld where I’m so focused on achieving the things I’ve created in my head that I end up neglecting the things around me that are my actual reality, you know? The things in my dream world are just that – dreams, so I don’t know why I put so much effort into trying to achieve things that are actually unobtainable and then crashing back down into the real world and realising “Oh, this is what I actually have to deal with”.

Zoe posted a vlog the other month where she spoke about her presence online and the way she feels about things – Zoe’s vlogs are some of my favourites to watch because of how relaxed and interesting they are (I’m not a fan of the whole Zoella thing as a brand etc. but I do really like her vlogs) but anyway she sat down for a good 20 minutes and spoke about stuff and it was so interesting to hear her take on things. She said the pressure had become so much that she was constantly worrying about what content other people wanted to see from her rather than what she herself actually wanted to make. Now, by no means am I a Zoella but I kind of sat there thinking to myself yeah…I feel that way sometimes too.

It’s not pressure from anyone else, I know you guys don’t mind what I do and don’t post but for me personally I want this blog to be interesting for other people to read, I want people to enjoy my stuff, you know? I could easily create posts that are a couple of paragraphs long and throw ‘content’ out left, right and centre but that’s not how things work for me. A post for me is something that I’ve worked on and taken time to create, not just something that I’ve quickly thrown together in 10 minutes. It means I have to take time to sit down and create something properly and lately I haven’t had time and it’s been killing me.

Also, when Zoe was talking about creating things that other people want to see, I realised that I’d been guilty of that too. There are some things that I’d really love to talk about on this blog but I know that for other people they’re probably really uninteresting to read about and therefore I’ve refrained from talking about them. There are many posts I’ve gone to make and then discarded because halfway through I thought…no one’s going to like reading this, it’s pointless.

Well, I’ve stopped doing that now. I know if I was hearing someone else say this my instant response would be “Don’t worry about what other people want to see, create the things that make you happy” – so why can’t I take my own advice? If any of you guys came to me with this problem I’d be like whaaat no way, this is your blog and you can create and post whatever you want onto it.

So why am I not doing the same?

Don’t get me wrong, all of the things that I do post on here are the things I want to and I’m very much happy in creating them, but there are the odd topics here and there that I wish I could write about but don’t because I’m too worried no one’s gonna want to read them.

WELL, BUCKLE YOUR SEATBELTS KIDS CAUSE WE’RE GOING FOR A RIDE.

Lately I’ve been feeling so refreshed because I’ve just been writing and posting about whatever I want I guess, there’s no schedule or order to what I’m saying – I’m just saying it. It kind of opens up this whole new world all over again when you realise that actually, you can talk about anything you want – if I want to say it, I can. I got really excited when I was thinking about this and I know I’ve said it before but, my blog isn’t for ‘marketing’ purposes (for lack of better wording) – it’s just a hobby. I’m not trying to sell anything or market myself, I just love writing about things and sharing it with other people, so really it doesn’t actually matter whether 10 people or 100 people read my posts or not, because I’m doing this for myself, I’m sharing my thoughts because I want to, because I love getting things down on paper and being able to relate to people. It’s good to talk about things that make you happy, it’s good to be honest about how you feel. It’s nice to share things, it’s a warm feeling when others are able to relate.

I’ve written a few posts that I want to upload soon about something I’m currently doing (that’s kept me constantly busy hence why I’ve been so absent) but I want to wait a little while before I talk about that. In other news, my Twitter account got deleted because back in 2010 when I created it, I was 12 years old and not 13 (like you’re supposed to be) so now Twitter has deleted my account and in order to get it back I have to provide legal documents and all that rubbish, which I can’t be bothered to do. Considering Twitter has been my ‘life’ in a sense since I was 12 years old and the last 8 years of my life are documented on there…I’m not really that bothered about the fact it’s now gone. Weird, right? I thought I’d be devastated and panicked but actually I’m just like eh, one less piece of social media for me to waste my time, one less piece of the online world that’s going to corrupt my brain. I haven’t really missed it at all and as you know, I believe everything happens for a reason so the fact that my Twitter was deleted and now I can’t spend any time on it…gotta look on the optimistic side.

Anyway, back to the absence – I’ve got over 100 posts in drafts ready to be uploaded but I just don’t feel like it’s the right time yet hence why I haven’t posted anything for the last week (I hate posting things for the sake of it) and also I’ve been super busy with this new thing I’m doing that I spoke about in my last post. Lots of exciting things coming basically, and I’m gonna be speaking my heart out in all of them, so if you’re scrolling through your reader and see a post from me and think what utter crap is she rambling on about this time…I’m happy.

All my love,

Chloe .xx