Something I wrote when I was 18, about a night I once had.
☁️
I believe everyone has their own personal ways of loving someone, in the same way that some people say “I love you” by telling you to wear your seatbelt. I always knew this because it happened to me when I was in a car with a boy I once loved. It wasn’t dying love or anything, I mean, maybe, but we were young, it was whatever it was at the time, but I did adore him, and he really loved me, I truly believe that. No matter what happened in the end, he did love me once.
He didn’t realise I wasn’t wearing a seatbelt, the first thing he did as he climbed into the car was click his into place, though I never did. We’d been driving down this long, empty road for a while in silence before he properly turned to look at me. It was dark and the only light was that of the moon and the street lamps aligned along the side of the road, flashing in and out through the car windows as we passed underneath them. We didn’t talk, it was a comfortable silence, and considering it was so dark it’s surprising how much I remember of it now, though I guess that only explains how significant the moment was.
He kind of let out a breathy laugh and looked at me, his eyes were wide and I swear I could see panic flash through them as he asks why I’m not wearing my seatbelt. I said I didn’t know – that I never wear it. Normally a person’s natural instinct is to reach for their seatbelt the second they get into a car, though mine never was. Maybe it was a death wish or maybe I just didn’t care. I feel like it was more of the latter. I wasn’t wishing for anything bad to happen but if it did, I didn’t care enough to want to save myself.
He looks at me and smiles, because he knows that this is me all over, this is the damage he’s dealing with, but he doesn’t mind.
“Put it on,” he laughs. His eyes are getting wider but his smile never fades as he repeats it to me again. “Put it on, Chlo. Why don’t you wear one?”
I don’t answer, just laugh and shake my head. The truth was I didn’t really know – like I said, I guess I just never had, but at the same time the real answer in the back of my mind was getting quieter and quieter until I could barely hear it at all. That answer I wanted to keep locked safely in my mind, there was no way I’d tell him that.
The words remained safely in my mouth.
“Put it on!” He laughs again in disbelief as I continue to get lost inside my own head, but I do as he says. I turn away to look out of the window for a while, slowly inching my hand further towards his in the space between us, his hand already there, waiting for mine. We find each other as our fingers intertwine, fitting together like a puzzle with jagged edges and missing pieces we knew we’d never find, though we continued to try and put the picture together anyway, even if we knew it would always remain incomplete.
We stay like this for the rest of the drive.
Chloe thank you for liking my posts! 🙂
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You’re so welcome!
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Such a beautiful post ❤️ There are truly so many ways of saying I love you. The actions of people are what mean the most ❤️ Words sometimes lie but actions not.
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Very true, thank you so much❤❤
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Vivid, compelling, moving celebration of being in the now to capture those excellent stories and experiences. ❤
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Thank you!!
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This should be the cutest thing I’ve read today!!
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Thank you!
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I absolutely adore this and relate to you so much. My first boyfriend would do things like this, especially making sure he’d walk nearest to the road. Sometimes you don’t necessarily need to say the words to show your love! xx
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Thanks so much lovely, it really is true! xx
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Ah this is so cute.
I love all the little things that Dan does, always makes me a coffee in the morning. If I have told him I’m having a bad day, he will stop and pick up something I love on the way home. If he goes shopping he will always bring me something home.
Sometimes they be cute x
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Aaaaah the CUTEST. I love hearing about little things like this (I may or may not be crying) – sometimes they can be cute for sure!! xx
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🤣🤣🤣 sometimes they can xx
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Aww what a warmth this send through my heart. I absolutely love this! It makes me believe that love is such an unique thing, and that it can be expressed in so many different ways. Thank you so much for sharing this ❤ xx
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Thanks so much angel ❤ this means a lot! xx
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You’re more than welcome! ❤ xx
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This warmed my heart so much. I feel like love always comes through those little actions of pure love and kindness. And the way you wrote this was breathtaking. Truly. I could have read a book of you writing like this.
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Ohhhh angel !!! Thank you so so much , wow xx
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wow this was so cute and relatable! everyone shows their love differently and getting to know their love language is so intimate 💕
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Ahhh thank you! Totally agree 💕x
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ahhh this gave me shivers Chlo! I’ve definitely picked up on the individual ways people tell say ‘i love you’, sometimes without even saying anything at all x
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So true, and thank you angel 💕x
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What a sweet memory! I love that as you get to know people you kind of discover their individual “tells” for ways of showing affection 🙂 x
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Right? I just had to get this memory down somewhere! Thanks girl x
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Aww this is so sweet and do true.
Briliantly written!
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Thank you so much!
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I am a firm believer that someone will always show you they love you more than they tell you and this is exact proof of this. I am sorry that the relationship didn’t work out for you. x
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So true! And ah it’s okay, he didn’t turn out to be a good person in the end anyway .xx
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Good riddance then! xx
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Great post 😀
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Thank you!
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No problem 😁 check out my blog when you get the chance 🙂
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