stop taking life serious(ly)

Sometimes not everything has to have such a deep meaning and be so serious, sometimes you can just say you know what, screw it. This is what I want to do right now.

I have Pluto’s asteroid number tattooed on me, and why? Why not? It makes people curious. It makes people ask what that random number on my body is. Like, it’s the asteroid number for a planet that doesn’t even technically exist anymore – but what’s that got to do with me? Lots of things I feel like, so I had it inked on my skin. Is that weird? Probably, but in my eyes that’s all the more reason to do it.

It’s getting tattoos inspired by people that don’t even know you exist, it’s ‘kids these days’ and falling in love with things and being impacted by them even though the feeling may not last forever. Okay, but what if it does? I know myself, I know that my emotions will last for a long time, I’m not going to wake up one morning and suddenly not feel affected by something anymore. Yes I’m young, but my youth matters just as much to me as my older years will. Why do we build ourselves around our adult lives and the future? It’s not guaranteed. Some of us won’t even make it there. I could die tomorrow. Am I going to live my life here and now not doing the things I want to because well, I might not feel the same way when I’m 40?

If that was the case, we could apply that rule to everything. Why are you dating that person? You’ll probably break up in 2 years. Why are you getting married? You may regret that decision in 10 years. Why are you getting a dog? You might hate them in 2 years. Are you sure you want to shave your head like that? Are you sure that tattoo is a good idea? You might regret doing that at some point.

Yes, and?

People say how will you feel when you’re 40 with a husband and kids and you’ve still got that tattooed on you? Tattoos for me are an impression of who I was at that point in my life – what I was into, who I loved, what kind of person I was and so on. Who was I at 18? I have a tattoo for that. Who was I at 21? I have a tattoo for that, too. Even though it’s not the point here, I’ll still love all of my tattoos no matter what age I’m at, regardless.  I like to think that at 40 I’ll still be the same the same person in that sense – I’ll still love the things I’ve loved and I’ll still appreciate and adore all of them. For some reason everyone has this idea that once you reach a certain age you have to have a personality transplant and that getting older means you need to grow up. I don’t want to be a boring 40-year-old with a mortgage and greying hair ’cause my kids have stressed me out and my husband probably doesn’t even love me anymore. I’d like to think that at 40 I’ll still have the same mind as I do now, in the sense that I’m not going to look back on the things I’ve done and think, why on earth did I do that? Why did I think that was a good idea?

I’m not going to look at the art on my body and think huh…it was cute when you were 20 Chloe, but now? It just doesn’t work. Why did you do that?

I’m not going to be that person.

I’m still going to love myself, I’m still going to feel things at 100mph and fall in love with everything in the blink of an eye. I’m still going to write and create and live in my own little dream world, I’m still going to be a ‘fangirl’ (or fan ‘woman’) of artists that mean the world to me. Why does all of that have to change once my age reaches a certain number?

I’m not going to be some snooty adult looking down on the actions of a young girl. I’m the same person. I will still be the same person. The only thing that’s going to change about me is my mind, in the sense that it will continue to open and flourish and learn and educate and grow. I’m not going to have a reverse personality transplant and become a closed-minded old woman the second I’m considered “middle aged”. Who cares? Like, I’m gonna be 60 with an asteroid number tattooed on me because of a Kpop band I liked when I was 20. And? Guess what? I’m still gonna like them! Best believe I’ll be still be 60 bopping my head along to Kpop. What exactly is it that’s going to change? The members will get older and possibly split up or stop making music. And? That suddenly means I can’t enjoy the music they’ve already created and the things they’ve done? It means I can no longer like them as people just because we’ve both reached a certain age?

What even is that stigma, I don’t know, but it’s ridiculous. Who the fuck cares? Why are there rules for every age – in your mid twenties you should have found someone to settle down with so by the time you’ve reached 30 you’ll be married with a house and preparing to start a family. No? Why are we made to feel like failures because we haven’t abided by society’s invisible rules on life planning? Everyone has their own life plan, there is no right or wrong age to do something.

Why are we made to feel like we shouldn’t get tattoos for X, Y and Z because we’ll probably regret it in so many years?

You may be a cranky old woman when you’re 50 Sandra but I’m still going to be writing in journals and enjoying Kpop and probably watching teenage shows like Riverdale on Netflix.

Who are you to tell me who I will and won’t be?

I’d like to think the world isn’t going to make me cold like the rest of them and that I’ll still be the open minded, created and free spirited person that I am now. I know I will be. I know myself. I know that I’m still going to love artists and follow them on Instagram and watch Netflix and love Disney when I’m however old, because times are changing and I refuse to grow up. I refuse to sacrifice the person I am and always will be just because society says I have to act a certain way depending on my age. Screw that.

I’m still going to be 50 strolling around Disneyland believing in magic and wearing my Minnie Mouse ears, I’m not going to regret the tattoos I got for artists I loved when I was 20 because guess what, I’m still going to love them when I’m 50! Shock horror.

I’ve noticed that when I explain tattoos my to people, I don’t explain them but rather, try and justify them – I make excuses and tell them “I know it’s silly, but…” and then afterwards I sit to myself and think, why did I do that? Why did I just try and justify something so personal to me, like it’s anyone else’s business anyway? I don’t know. Because I feel like I have to make excuses for myself maybe – it’s a confidence thing and something to do with being a woman where I’m made to feel like I take up too much space and have to say sorry for everything , which then transfers into other parts of my life too like, for example, the ink on my skin.

~

15/02/19

I think I just got to a point where I was like “these are the things that I love and these are the things I want on my body” because there’s always this voice in the back of your head like “don’t go crazy don’t do anything stupid don’t get covered don’t cover yourself in things you can’t remove” but when I really thought about it that was always the voice of other people and ‘society’ I guess – when I really thought about it that voice wasn’t actually me. I wasn’t telling myself not to do it, I wanted myself to do it because I was happy. I was happy for myself that I’d found this outlet and a way to express myself and make my body look pretty and showcase the things I love, I wanted to cover my skin with art and beautiful, nice things that make me who I am and I think I always have to remember that whenever I have an idea and think “wait no, what if that’s not a good idea” because it is. It’s you, Chloe. You know it is.

~

Like the journal entry I wrote a few months ago, I’m now just at a point in life where, if I want to do something that shows my love for something or someone, I’m going to. I’m going to write about it and listen to it and buy signed versions of it and tattoo it and yada yada. I’m going to do it because I love it and it’s me. I’m sick of being made to feel like I have to second guess everything just because. Because what, because you personally wouldn’t do it? Isn’t that the whole point of…individuality? The fact that we all think differently and love different things and want to do different things? Isn’t that the point of life? The point of even having names? The fact that we all have a different name and face and identity? Isn’t that the point?

I don’t know where this post is going but I’ve had this in drafts for a while now and wanted to wait until I got this tattoo before I posted it so, here it is. I see too many people getting bashed for doing the things they love and there’s this whole stigma around what’s “acceptable” (aka ‘cool’) and “unacceptable” (aka, ‘not cool’) to like. I’m here just to say that you can like whatever the fuck you want and if it makes you happy then, it’s no one else’s business.

Society is a social construct and you don’t have to abide by its ‘rules’ that were literally created by people trying to impress other people that couldn’t give two shits about them anyway. You know what I’m talking about. This life is for you and no one else, so do what you want to do and, as long as it’s harming no one else, keep doing it until you don’t want to anymore, then, find the next thing you love and do that instead.

Like I said 2 years ago when I wrote this post, don’t stay in the box they put you in. Don’t let them label you for their own convenience.

You were born to be different, and different you shall be.

All my love,

Chloe .xx